Monday, June 30, 2008


ice walkers must be weightless. moving, while standing still. portraits unto themselves. each step a lifetime full of cautions. so careful not to crush the thinning cadence of previous movements. each rhythm lost, of this long procession song. to which they can never look back. even the slightest shift in pressure and they're gone. under their broken paths, watching the water freeze above them. an icy heaven to the hell their sinking in. watching their mistakes, their faults, float up and away from them. so visible, so out of reach. all they can do is go numb.

they can never look back.

sometimes there are only paths of ice between what we want and who we are. land bridges to lovely things. sometimes we must move while standing still. glide in stutters.

we are intrepid. portraits unto ourselves. so capable of so much.

my god, i'm getting married. my god, love is such a lovely thing.

Monday, June 23, 2008


we close our eyes, sometimes, so we can walk through life. our only means to make it through the dangerous alleys we prefer not to know, remember. we beg for blindness. for ignorance.

i open my eyes to find i'm in a completely different place. greener, greater, lusher, but foreign, still. sometimes it's hard to take in beauty when it's so fresh, so new, so foreign.

lately, the skies are so grey. so still. so eerie. like nothing matters to anyone, anywhere, anymore. like we're all just waiting. i think we get used to waiting for catastrophe. we are so afraid of saying everything's great, as though it were a bad omen, with repercussions looming around some blind corner.

i wear my sunglasses, and walk quietly through the grand hall of the post office. i feel almost invisible. i feel almost numb. surrounded by so much sterilization. like we're all already dead. like we're already here.

and then i step through the doors, trying to find my way out. then i step through the doors, and it's you i think of. it's you.

sometimes it's hard to take it all in. so we find refuge in the disasters. where we're safely tainted. safely disconnected. safely away. i've spent so much time there. ruminating. hiding. studying stones. giving up.

you pull me out. you've pulled me out. and everything is so lush.

sometimes you open your eyes and you... you find your place. your home. and it may not be what you were looking for, or idealizing, or expecting. but it's yours. and it's your home. and it's everything you want once you have it. it's beautiful. it's the life you always wanted, but never knew.

Friday, June 20, 2008


thick, hot air under a thin haze. in an altered gaze, so many things just disappear. how do we disappear? how do we lose ourselves in the seams of the stories we sew? in the glares and barely theres and late nights? in the primetime tv shows?

what is good? what is good eventually becomes good enough, if we're not careful. we avow earfuls. and forget it. the words we passionately impart so quietly disappear. in the air, thick and hot, floating away to somewhere far beyond our grasp or sight. into space, where they resonate. they resonate.

we move slowly. we find what is real is not what we've aggrandized or fantasized or have tried on for size, time and time again. we move slowly, so as not to get lost in the seams of what seems to be life finally happening, just not in the ways we happened to have believed it. zeros and ones melt away. we solidify our maybes, babies. we slide in. we feel safe. we feel slow.

what is good is good. is good enough. is here. is there. is everywhere. we make due and we make it through and love becomes us. we realize we're not who we were when we were younger. we move slower. we fold our hands. we understand. what's good is good. is grand. is more.

the air here is now thick and hot, after so much waiting. after so much waiting. after so much winter. after so much. you take me as i am. and i am good.

Monday, June 16, 2008


to forget. impossible. unsinkable, unspeakable truths. pearls spent and sped down drains into oblivions. barely there, but there nonetheless. imperial imprints, cemented. stones deep in our bellies. to forget is heavensent; impossible.

i sit here, between my sleeping family. and i search for ways to be better. to carry weight and to sustain. to look on and down the line. because life just multiplies. because life just got a hundred times grander. everything's beautiful. everyday a holiday. everything a hit.

and the old records play. and the needle makes a thousand miles in a turn. atoms eyes in the storm i'm barreling down. in the records i'm carrying around. in the beers we're guzzling down. when we announce. and we announce, and pronounce ourselves so well. artfully, articulately, attache.

touche! everything's as simple as we want it to be. and we want it to be. like fine wine and morning's song. moving out and on and along. down the roads we ride upon. let's ride. let's ride.

love bursts through open windows. there's nothing left to decorate. we inseminate. we emanate into imitation. impregnation. love bursts through open windows.

and i find you laying next to me. safety. i roll over and touch your face and say, 'marry me.'

and for the first time, in a long time, the whole world stops for you to say...


Friday, June 13, 2008

it's a hit

summer. summer is here. and so are you. but i suppose we've been here all along. dangling our narrow feet out over the piers. dangling stories of warmer, brighter days in different places. pages ahead of ourselves. whispering sweet nothings.

love is here. and i've been making plans. places, people, words. vows. we avow to so much, so easily. we so easily pick and plot. planting big thoughts with such ease.

i smile so big. i can't even hold it in. we smile so big. they smile so big. we're all around. summer is all around. not a day too soon.

Monday, June 9, 2008

let's ride

these days, the days are paramount. ticking, moving notions of what's to come. of what's on its way. so much on its way. it's hard to look back or stand still. it's hard not to look around and feel fulfilled.

i've been keeping a low profile. i've been reassessing certain values. i've been laying in bed, watching the ceiling, watching the phone, watching movies. counting down the hours in between. fantasizing. but mostly, making plans. big plans. plans for you and me.

so, let's ride. summer's on its way. everything is on its way. everything's beautiful. every day's a holiday. and the days are getting longer.

Monday, June 2, 2008


going home changes all the time. what is home evolves and involves so many little things. the people, the places, the way we feel in a taxi passing through. and i'm passing through. through our histories, through the faces i have seen, through the places i have been. i'm passing by, mostly waving. mostly waving.

we marry. we talk. we look around and look beyond the get around. we vow and avow and figure out how to multiply past with present, dignity with grace. our hands are tied, we tie our knots; never knowing how not to look back. how not to look back upon the trials and trails and tails we've tapped. we marry. ideas and names and lips and tongues. politely wagging in backseats and in the backs of bars and in every bated breath. in every beating step. in everything we say and do.

we look forward. we find solace. we become succinct. in nature, in nurture, in the dainty details of digressing in every feud and fuck. in both good and bad luck. in late night phone calls that age us to the bones. we get lost in dial tones. calling, falling, paling, exhaling. better. better. better. we get better at barreling through the days.

we mend. we amend. we plan and pan the scenery. never knowing. never showing even a strand of paralyzing fear. instead we stand firm on what we're made of. we make of each other all we're worth. going home changes all the time. we're changing all the time. never saying it's too late. never saying it's too much. never saying much of anything more than i love you, i love you. i love you. we go home. we make due. we make up the makings of something bigger. something more. the sum of all the parts. we retrace our steps. we unearth emotions and memories. we exhume, recount, rebury. we marry.