reasonable dives

sometimes you have to let yourself fall. you have to let go of everything you cling so tightly to in order to feel that free fall. in order to feel anything, at all. and sometimes, every so often, you even re-emerge better than you were before. you are free, if only for a little while. if only for the fall. you are free.

i'd found a blood blister on my chest, which no doubt had caused some strange skin discolorations i'd previously noticed. so i took a small knife to it and let the blood burst through. i found myself mesmerized by the rush of the blood, dripping down my torso. fascinated by the way the oxygen purifies it. kills the disease. i stared at it there, on my chest, on my fingertips; so vital. so strange.

i find myself free falling lately. falling away from the frictions and failures. my arms outstretched. my eyes closed. neither full of hope nor anticipation. simply feeling the fall. feeling the lightness. re-learning to breathe. sometimes it seems so hard to exhale. so hard to let go. so hard to just exist.

sometimes you have to let go and do what you might otherwise consider foolish or dangerous. sometimes what you might consider too terribly brave. you have to let go of everything you cling so tightly to. in order to fall. in order to feel anything at all.

don't look up. don't look down. just close your eyes. close your eyes and feel light. love will find its way. you will find your way. you will re-emerge, sometimes better than before. it is the reasonable dives from which we survive. we cannot survive the falls we never fell. we cannot survive until we allow ourselves to fall. until then, we're only traveling through - vagabonds. rootless. barely there.