Monday, March 3, 2008

funhouse mirrors

howdy with every ounce of dignity. it's tricky to stand tall while you're still on your knees...

life has been odd this past week. low key, but eventful. slow, but eventual. i'm figuring things out. i'm getting it straight. i'm worrying less and less about making sure others have fun. ultimately, it's not my responsibility. it's my responsibility to be nice and respectful, not an activities director. or a pimp. if you have the option to be right or nice, be nice. being smarter or hipper or prettier just doesn't compete with being nicer. if there was a moral to this last week, that was it. sometimes you see the parts of yourself you don't care for reflected and exaggerated in others; and it's such an amazing lesson. point of reference.

last night a handful of us went to east end's 70's yacht party. let me just say: best.portland.event.ever. i can't wait for next month's.

bingo tonight. i feel good. but i still miss him. everyday. and i don't hate it so much anymore. it just is. it's being human. it's just all right. it is what it is. everyday. and when i make jokes, they all know. they all know. last night, in the east end shanghai tunnels, with my rocket man sunglasses on, i thought i saw him. my heart fell to the floor faster than my head could grasp the reality of it. it took me by surprise. it just is. and it's okay.

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