Friday, February 1, 2008

and so it starts...

as i walked down davis, hands full of groceries, a stranger stopped me on the street and said i was beautiful. he then offered to help me carry a bag.

i think 2008 will be the year i learn from my mistakes, my many many mistakes of 2007. the year i re-learn how to be alone. the year i stop looking and start waiting. i've always been an impatient person, so this ought to do me some good.

of course, i did just get my ticket to korea emailed to me. this is... i can't believe it's real. i finally have something to hold on to. it's been so long since i've had much of anything to hold on to.

colette flies into town in less than a week. mostly to save me from myself and the minor freak-out i had last week. you know those moments when everything you've been trying to conceal under optimism catches up to you? i was so hell-bent on not moping, on being strong that in doing so i refused to let myself really deal with what had happened. a person doesn't just smile away contracting hiv from a date rape. nor do they just grin and bear a break-up with the first person they've actually, really loved in over 2 years. so, colette is coming to make sure i get it together and let myself be weak and deal appropriately. she's also coming to fix things and make me laugh.

eric arrives the same day, to look for a life here. and i have to say, it'll be really nice to have another sf transplant here. someone who knows me and my history. and yes, i'm aware of how selfish that sounds, but 2008 is also the year i let myself be selfish and let others help and do things for me. even though, i think it was purely selfishness that led me to believe in frank. such a fine line.

and for now, i'll obsess over my way-too-far-away trip, eat well, hang low, save money, let people come to me and make plans, and talk with robert. he showed up at the perfect time. and timing is everything.

1 comment:

Drew said...

Hey man. Glad to see that you're back blogging in the accessible world of not-MySpace. And glad to hear that you're getting some sidekicks for Portland life. And by the time you read this, I hope you're doing better than when you seemed like you weren't doing so hot.